An emotional conundrum

An emotional conundrum

by Saswat Kumar Mishra

I sniff signs —maybe nonexistent—but I want—.Not sure whetherit's just my wishful thinkingor there is actually somethingin the way you lookinto my eyes, everytime. Sparks erupt every timeyour hand brushes against mine. they give me a few more breaths few more days to wait until you say it. I don't know if there is love rigorously camouflaged in your everlasting silences.
I tell myself that you must be loving me somewhere in those dark corners. I hear songs thatyou must be making for me putting beads of thoughts of mein a string of solitude.
Sometimes I get impatient
waiting for you to sing those songs for me.
I'll keep my gaze transfixedon your lips as they movealong with your handswhile you narrate
tales about your world

and without me.
These sometimes make me leap to the surface
searching for air.
Getting rid of the breathlessness
I dive again,
this time
to survive more
endless silences.

I wait for the wait to be over
for the moment when I discover that you love me the same way I love you, within coy silences, behind the lights, in the shadows, on pen and paper.


Featured in our December 2022 issue, "Tenderness"